Chapter Thirteen - The Weight She Carries

         A World without Misery (Interitus 1: Book 0)

Chapter Thirteen – The Weight She Carries

 

            “Vaida, do you remember? Do you remember that night in the hospital, after the Interfectus attacked and took everything from us? I saw you lying there in that bloody bed; I’ve never seen anyone sadder than you. You had only one eye open, but you stared dead ahead like there was nothing left in this world. I heard what had happened! I saw what the fire had done to your body. I could sense your sorrow just by standing in the same room as you! I could feel your misery like it was a part of me. I just started crying, and then I threw my arms around you. I remember it because that was probably the most sincere sadness I’ve ever felt! Do you remember?” Harvey asked as he stood over her.

            Harvey was soaking wet because of the rain, so the candlelight reflected in the tiny droplets which covered his hair. These same reflections caused Vaida’s skin to shimmer. Harvey stuck his foot under her left shoulder and then lifted it so that she rolled onto her back. She stared up with her dry left eye, but she could not even bring her eyes to close. She could not summon a single word to her throat. When Harvey stepped closer and stared below, Vaida felt like he glared at the burn scars on her face. She instinctively felt the need to hide her wounds, but this was impossible because of the poison’s paralysis. The ordeal made Vaida wish that she could eject herself from her own body. Her inability to hide her scars was the worst torture of all.

            “I was just a dumbass kid, but I already hurt so much for you. Even with your burns and that self-hate you never could shake, we grew up together! Just like we did before. I got to see you change! I got to see you become obsessed with exercising. I got to see you execute a thousand little science experiments! I got to see you grow into a woman. But all that time, you were drifting away from me. You didn’t need me anymore! You proved it when you set out to fight the Interfecti. You proved that I’m expendable. You proved that I am nonessential to you. I was the crying little boy who held you in my arms as your whole world burned to ashes, and yet you still crawled away from me,” Harvey confessed with an accusatory tone.

            Vaida commanded her lungs and her throat to produce a sound. She tried to force out a high-pitched scream which could pierce the rainstorm and announce her distress to someone nearby, but no sound emerged. Her whole body was paralyzed; she was forced to stare into Harvey’s dark blue eyes. A brief grin fell across his face, but it swiftly melted away into a disgruntled frown. He then lowered himself to the floor so that his knees fell on opposite sides of her hips. He nearly sat on her as he gazed at her scarred face.

            “Do you know why that little boy cried for you? Do you know why I helped you with your experiments? Do you know why it hurt so much when you ran away from Bones City? It was because I was in love with you! I loved you even before the flames ruined your beauty. Vaida, you and I were always meant to be together. That’s why the flames didn’t take you. That is why I fell to pieces when you left! That is why I couldn’t think about anything else. But Vaida, it’s your fault that this happened! I begged you not to leave. I told you from the start that you weren’t ever allowed to leave me.”

            A thin layer of angry tears surfaced in his eyes as his trembling face glared at her. He touched his hand onto her wet hair and squeezed so that his fingers rubbed across her scalp. He could see the terror in her left eye and the sadness in her right eye, so he lowered his face and pressed his lips upon her forehead.

            He said, “I’ve been wrapped around your finger my whole life. When you were gone, the wrapping unraveled and I lost everything I cared about. It all became so meaningless. So while you were running around out there without me, I did some heavy thinking, and I’ve figured it all out. Vaida, I was created just for you, and you were given to me. I don’t know if you were destined to carry these scars, but even in my heart, you still shine brighter than the stars. I love everything about you, even though you left me behind. You’re still the only thing that makes me happy. So I can forgive you for running away as long as you stay with me now. Please stay with me forever. Isn’t that what you want?”

            The heavy innkeeper was unconscious at this point. Out of the corner of her working eye, Vaida saw that his chest still rose and fell every few seconds. She then stopped focusing on the innkeeper since she knew he could not help. The only other thing she could see was Harvey’s deep blue gaze. He stared expectantly at her like he was waiting for an answer. She could not respond, but he could still see her reluctance.

            “It might be twisted to confess this, but the strange reality of my obsession is that I was actually relieved when I finally saw the extent of your scars. After all those months you spent locked away from me and hidden from any possible contaminant, your burns still couldn’t heal. At least not completely! You were grotesque, but it was reassuring! It would scare away anyone who ever wanted to try and come between us. It was evidence that you were marked for me, Vaida. It was assurance that you would definitely be mine. That’s why I know this is right! You tried to go against destiny by running away from me; you tried to fight destiny by defying me, so I am just returning the world to its natural state. Your scars are the reason that this had to happen! That’s why I knew that it would come to this. That’s why I know that you want this too, even if you don’t rightly realize it. But it’s a shame that it takes paralysis to make you realize it,” Harvey said in a loud whisper as he hovered over her face.

With a trembling smile on his face, Harvey lowered his lips and placed them gently upon hers. He opened his mouth and released a warm moisture as he kissed her on the mouth. She wanted to squirm or protest or lament in some way, but the poison’s paralysis was still too powerful. He snaked his right hand into her dark hair and held her wet face gently in his left hand.

“Doesn’t it feel so right? It’s wonderful. You’re so disfigured that no one else will even look at you. The only way you’ll ever find love is if you stay with me, and you’re the only one I could possibly want. You’re the only one I've ever cared about, even when you were gone. But please don’t worry! You won’t ever go unnoticed with me. You won’t ever have to leave this city again! I’ll keep you with me forever.”

Despite her desire to lift her feet and slam Harvey off her body, Vaida felt a rush of tears surface in her eyes. She had a burning sensation, almost like an instinctive impulse or a desperate itch, urging her to cover her scars in any way possible, but she could not even bring her fingertips to curl. She could not even make her breath accelerate or stop. Harvey glanced down at her face with an expectant stare, almost like he honestly believed that she would be moved by his words, but he still saw sadness in her eyes. He pulled his left hand across her face so that his fingers rested on the rough surface of her scars.

“Why can’t you accept that I am the only way you’ll ever be happy? Your body is so revolting that everyone else looks away with horror. Everyone else but me! And even if you fell in love with someone else, even if you somehow got someone else to fall in love with you, don’t you know it isn’t fair? You can’t honestly expect anyone else to accept you when half of your body is stained with anguish. You can’t expect them to stay in love with you when they see your pain every time they look in your eyes. No one else can do that; only I can do that! Only I can make you happy! Only I can free you from your unending misery.

“Don’t pretend like you were chasing the Interfecti for any reason other than some magnanimous display of self-hatred. It wasn’t for revenge, and it wasn’t for righteousness! It was just a thinly veiled plea for death. You were begging for freedom from the world that turned you into this! It was just a showy scene of suicide.”

Though Vaida’s body would not respond voluntarily, a thin stream of tears fell from the corners of her eyes. Her skin was moist from the small presence of sweat. As Harvey gently brushed his left hand along her scars while staring into her eyes, she noticed that he had two daggers holstered on his hips. The sheaths were brown at the top, but they were stained with a purple shade at the bottom. A thick purple liquid dripped from the bottom of the sheaths and stained the ground. The daggers were certainly tipped with a powerful poison.

“Even if I can’t convince you that you need me, I can prove it to you. I can prove to you that you love me, and that you’ve loved me for as long as I’ve loved you! I’m going to prove to you that it was always your destiny to be with me! I will make you understand what I’ve understood all along! I know it’ll be worth it. It has to be worth it. I had such a promising life before I realized that I don’t care about anything—anything but you. I had so much and threw it all away for you! I threw away my future for an ugly girl who hates herself, but I don’t regret it! I don’t regret anything I do for you. I don’t-”

The door suddenly flew open with a powerful crash; the doorknob slammed into the wall so hard that it crumbled in that place. As a torrential downpour fell from the sky, Hatasuko ducked and ran in through the open door with his sword in his hand. As soon as he saw Harvey kneeling over Vaida with the innkeeper on the ground at their side, he ran up and slammed his right foot into Harvey. The kick was so powerful that it threw Harvey off of Vaida. He crash-landed on the ground and rolled several times before stopping. Instead of attacking again, Hatasuko tossed his sword aside and scooped Vaida up in his arms. Since she was motionless, he could not tell if she had been shocked into a catatonic state, but he held her in his big arms and rested his chin on her shoulder. He could feel the touch of her dark hair on his wet chin as he glared at Harvey from across the room.

“Vaida, I know you’re upset with me, but please talk to me. Who is this? What happened to you?” Hatasuko whispered loudly, unable to suppress his volume because of his adrenaline.

“Who the hell do you think you are?!” Harvey asked, reaching for his daggers.were begging for freedom from the world that turned you into this. It was just a showy scene of suicide.”

Though Vaida’s body could not perform any voluntary movements, a thin stream of tears fell from the corners of her eyes. Her skin was moist from the small presence of sweat. As Harvey gently brushed his left hand along her scars while staring into her eyes, she noticed that he had two daggers holstered in sheaths on his hips. The sheaths were brown at the top, but they were stained with a very purple shade at the bottom. A thick purple liquid dripped from the bottom of the sheaths and stained the ground. The daggers were certainly tipped with a powerful poison.

“Even if I can’t convince you that you need me, I can prove it to you. I can prove to you that you love me, and that you’ve loved me for as long as I’ve loved you. I’m going to prove to you that it was always your destiny to be with me! I will make you understand what I’ve understood all along! I know it’ll be worth it. It has to be worth it. I had such a promising life before I realized that I don’t care about anything but you. I had so much and threw it all away for you. I threw away my whole future for an ugly girl with major problems, but I don’t regret it. I don’t regret anything I do for you. I don’t-”

The door suddenly flew open with a powerful crash; the doorknob slammed into the wall so hard that it crumbled in that place. As a torrential downpour fell into the streets of Bones City, Hatasuko ducked and ran in through the open door with his sword in his hand and a furious glare on his face. As soon as he saw Harvey kneeling over Vaida with the innkeeper on the ground at their side, he ran up and slammed his right foot into Harvey. The kick was so powerful that it threw Harvey off of Vaida. He crash-landed on the ground and rolled several times before stopping. Instead of attacking again, Hatasuko tossed his sword aside and scooped Vaida up in his arms. Since she was motionless, he could not tell if she were somehow shocked into a catatonic state, but he held her in his big arms and rested his chin on her shoulder. He could feel the touch of her dark hair on his wet chin as he glared at Harvey on the other side of the room.

The innkeeper groaned on the floor as he finally started to stir from his paralysis. Hatasuko walked over to the sail-rana, leaned over, and picked up one of the thin black shields. He continued to hold Vaida closely in his arms as he suspiciously glared at Harvey.

“My name is Hatasuko, and I am the first Astrodeus. I am the one who will rid this world of the Interfecti. I am the one who will create a world without misery. And even more importantly than this, I am Vaida’s friend. I’m a shitty friend, but she means more to me than you could ever imagine. What did you do to her?” he demanded.

Though he was still weakly emerging from his intoxication, the innkeeper crawled onto his knees and dragged himself toward the staircase. Harvey watched this with a look of interest. The gentle flicker of candlelight shone in his eyes.

“You are mistaken. I am Vaida’s only friend. I am the only one who could ever love her. I am the only one who can give her happiness. You are just a usurper to my destiny; you are an interloper who wandered into her life while I was away. But I promised her that I wouldn’t let anyone or anything get between us,” Harvey challenged.

Hatasuko could feel Vaida’s hot breath on his neck. He did not notice her shaking at first because he believed it was his own heart pounding, but then he remembered that he no longer possessed a human heart. He softly set her down inside the sail-rana since she seemed unable to move her body in this state. As he backed away from her, he discovered that her right eye had closed. Her long hair had fallen and covered the scarred part of her face.

As soon as Hatasuko turned to face Vaida’s former friend, Harvey charged at him with his right dagger extended. In the moment that Hatasuko saw the purple fluid which stained the blade, he felt a rush of fear, so he swiftly pulled up his shield to block the slash. He harmlessly deflected Harvey with the shield, and in spite of his strength, the impact could not even make Hatasuko stumble. Harvey quickly jumped to the left and tried to stab Hatasuko’s right side, but he effortlessly blocked it with the black shield. 

             “What happened to Vaida? Did you do this?!” Hatasuko demanded.

“She wouldn’t listen to me! Last time I tried, I just made her cry. I did this just so I could talk to her! But don’t you worry; the dose I give you will be more than enough to keep you out of our way forever,” he answered with a cocky grin.

“The dose? What do you mean? What did you do to her?!”

“Isn’t it obvious? I poisoned her. I met an apothecary and-”

Before Harvey had a chance to finish, Hatasuko slammed his hard shield into his enemy’s body. Harvey let out a groan as the impact knocked him backward, but before he even stopped stumbling, Hatasuko roared and threw his left fist into Harvey’s chest. Harvey flew backward and slammed his back against the wall. Harvey ducked, kicked off the wall, and lunged at his enemy, but Hatasuko lifted his knee and struck Harvey’s face with relentless speed. The damage was so sudden that Harvey’s daggers fell from his hands. He fell onto the floor as blood dripped from his nose and mouth; the blood shimmered in the light of the flickering candles. Hatasuko reached down, wrapped his giant right hand around Harvey’s face, and lifted his entire body off the ground. Hatasuko could feel his enemy squirming from the pain of this pressure right after having his nose snapped, but he did not care. He slammed Harvey against the wall once again while still gripping his face in the palm of his hand.

            Hatasuko whispered to the sniveling, bloody face in his hand, “I have never killed a person in my life and I don’t ever want to, but it’s never felt more right than this. I’ve never wanted to kill someone so badly. I will let you leave here alive, for the one and only reason that I will rip out your lungs if you don’t leave here right now. However, I promise you that if you ever come anywhere near Vaida again for any reason, I will teach you a pain so complete that the mere concept of death will seem like a luxury.”

Knowing that he had no other way to escape with his life, Harvey relaxed his body with a defeated sigh. Hatasuko set him down on the ground, kicked the daggers away from his feet, and then backed up so that he stood between Vaida and Harvey. He glared with his furious golden eyes as Harvey stumbled toward the door.

“This changes nothing. You’re still a usurper. I will still have her heart.”

“I have a rule to never kill anyone, but with the anger I feel now, I can feel that rule fading away. I won’t hesitate to kill you,” Hatasuko spoke with an unwavering glare.

“If I can’t have her, then this life’s a waste anyway,” Harvey grumbled as he opened the door to the pouring rain.

After Harvey stepped out into the street, the door fell shut behind him with a quiet thud. The innkeeper glared at the door with an infuriated gaze, but he was still breathing too heavily to stand back up. Every exhale sounded like a loud sigh.

“The one who did this… a kind old woman… who poisoned our tea…. She was staying upstairs… in the second room on the right… she went back upstairs,” rasped the innkeeper.

With his shield handle clenched in his right hand, Hatasuko rushed up the staircase, though he had to duck the whole way so that he would not bump his head. As soon as he reached the aforementioned room, he forced it open and saw that the window was open. The pouring rain left the windowsill and the nearest shelf soaking wet.

Though he was still drenched from the rain himself, Hatasuko ran over to the window, closed it, and looked around for any evidence of the woman who had done this. The whole room seemed empty; she had not left behind a single clue. Hatasuko sighed, walked back down the staircase, stepped over the innkeeper, and walked over to Vaida. She stared dead ahead just like before, motionless except for her constant shivering, with the scarred part of her face hidden beneath her hair.

The innkeeper weakly whispered, “That bastard said that… the dose he gave me… was much stronger than hers…. Since I’m awake now… I think her poison’s wearing off… but she’s still stuck in that state….”

“I think she might be having a panic attack. Vaida told me a little about him before, about how he used to be her only friend in this city. The poor girl’s been overwhelmed. She’s been hurt in the worst possible way, and I wasn’t even there to help her. I’m an awful friend. I can’t believe I let this happen,” Hatasuko confessed to the struggling innkeeper.

Hatasuko leaned over the edge of the sail-rana and lifted Vaida into his arms. She still shivered even as he held her. Her eyes were both open, but they looked frozen in place. She continued breathing faintly, but other than this, she showed very little evidence that she was even conscious.

“I know you’re upset with me, and I know it’s all my fault, but no one else can watch over you right now. I’m going to carry you upstairs and keep you safe until you’re better, and then you can get rid of me if you want,” Hatasuko whispered to Vaida as he carried her.

The innkeeper pulled himself onto his feet by climbing with the rail at the foot of the stairs. While breathing heavily, he held onto the rail for several seconds. As Hatasuko walked up the stairs with Vaida in his arms, he asked, “Are you gonna be okay? Do you need anything?”

The innkeeper answered, “I’ll pass this on my own…. We can’t really go… find the police or the doctors… until after the rain stops… so I’ll just relax in the back…. Please take good care of Vaida.”

Hatasuko nodded and climbed onward. The ceiling above the staircase was too low for him to stand tall, so he had to keep his chin just above Vaida as he crouched. When he entered an open room on the right side of the hallway, he walked tiredly toward the large bed. He balanced Vaida’s shaking body in his left arm, pulled the covers back with his right hand, and then set her down in the middle of the mattress. He pulled the covers over her, moved a pillow under her head, and then sat on the corner of the bed with a quiet sigh. He had to keep his head twisted to an unnatural angle, but he kept his golden eyes on her as she trembled beneath the covers. Even in this panicked state, her teary eyes shimmered from the reflections of candlelight.

            After about thirty minutes, Hatasuko felt Vaida stop trembling. The sheets above her chest still rose intermittently, and her expression gradually transformed. Her catatonic state seemed like it was starting to fade. Her eyes finally blinked.

“Hatasuko…” she whispered with her little voice.

“I’m glad to see you’re awake! I hope you don’t mind that I brought you here. If you want me to go, then-”

“Please don’t go,” she said.

Vaida’s face trembled again. She looked like she was fighting back tears. Hatasuko reached out his hand even though he did not understand why, but then she grabbed his arm with both hands. As tears started to stream down her face, Vaida pulled herself upright and buried her face into Hatasuko’s chest. Even though his shirt was wet from the rain, Hatasuko could feel her tears running down her face.

“I’m so sorry I yelled at you. I just, I was, um, I’m so sorry I made you worry. I know that was shitty. I think, I guess, I was never supposed to have friends. You were never supposed to have to deal with me. I’m so sorry,” Vaida whispered as she sobbed into his chest.

“Please don’t say that. You mean more to me than anyone or anything in this world. Please don’t doubt that! And please be nicer to yourself.”

Though she said nothing, Vaida’s sobbing slowly died away. It took many more minutes for her tears to stop flowing, and the whole time she wept, she dug her fingertips into his back since she held him so tightly. The whole time she spent settling herself down, Hatasuko sat there in silence, wishing he could find some way to help her. And shortly after Vaida stopped crying, she let go of Hatasuko and ran toward the closet at the far corner of the room. She closed the door quickly and left him to sit curiously in silence for another twenty minutes.

“Hatasuko… there’s something I need you to see. There’s something… I need you to see,” Vaida stammered as she stepped out of the closet with her shirt and her pants dangling from her right hand.

In the time that they had spent together, Hatasuko had only seen Vaida in her usual outfit. Her pants typically covered her legs, and long sleeves concealed her arms unless she was exercising or evacuating. She usually used her hair to hide her dead eye as well as she could. But now, for the first time ever, Hatasuko could see the near-full extent of his best friend’s body. She covered herself only with a thick bra and a small pair of shorts. Dark scars completely covered the right side of her body all the way down; they varied in darkness but never in presence. Her right arm, most of her right leg, and the exposed part of her right breast were also stained with this dark, rough skin. Hatasuko opened his mouth as he tried to say something, but no words came to his mind. A look of sadness fell across her face as she dropped her clothes on the floor.

“You don’t look happy. I know it’s disgusting. I just wanted you to see how ugly I really am. No one has ever seen… all this,” she said as she faced the ground.

Hatasuko could feel the moisture of tears in his eyes. He turned and wiped his eyes with his right arm, but Vaida saw the wetness glistening on his candlelit skin. He said to her with a grimace, “I don’t think you’re ugly at all; I promise you. It’s just that… your burns look so painful, so, so painful. I don’t want to think about you being in that much pain.”

“Hatasuko, please don’t cry. I didn’t… I didn’t want to make you feel bad. Please don’t be sad. My scars don’t hurt anymore, at least not on the outside.”

“This whole time, I’ve been so proud of her for chasing the Interfecti, but that’s only a small piece of her struggle. She’s been fighting the demons inside herself,” Hatasuko thought silently to himself.

            “I’m sorry. I’m supposed to be the toughest man in the world. I’m over nine feet tall, I’m incredibly strong, I fight the Interfecti, and yet here I am crying like a little girl,” he said with rapid breaths, trying to suppress his own sobbing.

“I don’t think you’re weak in any way! Besides, I wouldn’t have any right to call anyone else that. I just… feel like I need to let it all out. I’ve been holding in my past for as long as I remember. I’ve been so afraid to say it because I see the curiosity in their eyes. I see it in the eyes of everyone who’s ever seen my face. Their stares are a reminder that I’m marked for life, that I’m ugly—that everything’s been taken away from me. Can I please tell you? You’re the only one I trust. I need to let it out,” she asked with a heartbroken tremor.

He answered, “If it will help relieve any of your pain, I will listen. But are you sure you want to tell me? You don’t have to. I know it’s private.”

A redness swept over Vaida's face. She lifted her hands so that they concealed her cheeks; she folded her arms over her chest. Between her hair and her hands, only her eyes were exposed to the air. Hatasuko could see a deep anxiety in her eyes.

“Yes, I want to tell you. But, I don't want… I'm gonna feel so exposed. I guess, I want, well… can I hold onto you? Can I hold onto you as I tell you? I think, I mean, I know this sounds weird,” she said, though her little hands muffled her shy voice.

“Of course you can,” Hatasuko answered, opening his arms for her.

Vaida glanced back at her clothes with a gaze of consideration, but then she stepped forward and nervously touched her hands against his. Her left hand felt cold, but the rough skin on her right hand felt warm. She shyly stepped forward until she stood beside the bed in the wide space between his legs. Her arms gently wrapped around him, and her soft hair pressed against his stomach. Through his thin shirt, he could feel the fabric of her bra and the sudden boundary between her smooth skin and her scarred skin. She concealed the scars on her face by pressing that part against him, and then she looked up at him with her blue eye. She still looked anxious, and her cheeks were still red.

“Damn, this girl is the cutest thing I’ve ever seen,” Hatasuko thought to himself.

“I, um, I don’t exactly remember a lot about before, you know, before the fire. At least, I don’t remember much about myself… not much at all. But I remember my parents. They were a unique kind of wonderful,” she explained, and as she spoke, Hatasuko could feel her lips forming a sad smile.

            “My dad, um, he realized early on that I love learning. He and I spent many afternoons together, just investigating, experimenting with the world. He was a very smart man. His smile… he smiled so widely when we learned together. And my mom was always so proud of me. She was a quiet woman, I think, I guess I may have borrowed that from her. But not back then. This may, I mean, this probably sounds silly, but I used to be a social child. I had many playmates at school, but Harvey was always my favorite. Harvey… Harvey would even come play with me after school. We were all so happy then.

“I think that it’s amazing that so much can change in a single night. I think that… I think that might just be the saddest thing about our world. Someone can build so much, they can have so much, and then just lose everything so quickly. That night, the night when the demon… the night came when the Interfectus attacked our city. I, uh, I didn’t know, I hadn’t heard, I guess, um, it wasn’t supposed-”

Vaida stopped herself mid-sentence. Hatasuko could feel her fingertips digging through his thin shirt. Her eyes were slammed shut, her breaths were fast, and her body trembled once again. Hatasuko wrapped his arms around her as a silent message that she did not have to tell the story. Despite the invitation to stop, Vaida opened her eye again and forced herself to relax.

She said, “The Interfectus changed the world. That whole section of Bones City was basically blown away. My parents, my parents and I, we lived in a house very close to where… to where the Interfectus appeared. Running… we could not run. It would see us. It would kill us. Eventually the Interfectus, it eventually learned that people were hiding, people were hiding trapped in those houses. It probably heard, it surely heard me crying, or somehow sensed my fear. Our whole block was leveled, the whole thing, the whole block, it was destroyed, it was, the scattershot, the third weapon, the-”

Vaida stopped again so that she could fight through her tears. As Hatasuko held her closely in his arms, he felt like his whole body went numb except for the parts which touched her. He tried to count her rapid heartbeats as a way to distract himself from his own sadness, but he knew that this was pointless.

“That night, my world ended in fire. I was so disoriented by the blast that I couldn’t see or think. I was so disoriented. I knew that there were flames all around me. The sound of the crackle, the stench of smoke, the blue pressing on my eyelids – I knew that the fire had caught us. I couldn’t find my mom, but I could feel the weight of my dad on top of me. He was covering me, um, he covered me with his body. I could smell his breath, I could see his face, I could hear him yell… as the fire took him away from me,” she whispered, her voice breaking again.

            “It went through him. The fire, I mean. It… it spread through him. To me. I knew it would happen. I knew, um, I knew because all sides… I was surrounded by fire. I knew it would get me. I didn’t know it would hurt so much. I didn’t know it would hurt so much to watch my dad burn up on top of me. I don’t know why I didn’t close my eyes. The fire hurt so, so much… I don’t even, I can’t even remember it without cringing. There’s such a big difference between being in a fire and being on fire. I was, um, I was so helpless. Paralyzed by pain. My parents were dead… my dad died trying to protect me. I, helpless, in pain, I… watched the flames eat away at my right side. That stench… the sound of boiling blood… the searing pain. And then the flames reached my eye. The last thing I ever saw was the fire that took them from me. On the night my world ended in fire.”

Still holding her trembling body in his arms, Hatasuko slowly slid his right hand up her back until it reached her hair. He glanced down and saw that she closed her eyes and wore a frown, so he gently combed his huge fingers through her hair. As he did this, Vaida sighed and let a small smile return to her face. She then opened her eyes again. As she started to contemplate her next words, her smile started to fade.

She said, “I was in the hospital for a very long time. At first, I was just in a little makeshift hospital since so many were injured. So many were hurt by the monster. Harvey came to visit me, and he cried when he saw how hurt I was. He kept holding me and crying until the doctors made him leave. They were really afraid I’d get an infection. When I was moved to another hospital, um, a more serious hospital, the doctors tried something called debridement. It, um, it’s a procedure where they take sticky gauze, and-”

            Vaida dug her fingertips more sharply into Hatasuko’s back. She continued, “And they try to rip off the burned skin. They kept me in a very, very isolated room after that. A room where no one was allowed in. Not that I had anyone or anything. But it just made the loneliness feel so permanent. I knew I’d be lonely forever. I knew I’d be empty forever. I slowly waited for the right side of my body to get back some skin, but it didn’t matter. The scars had already settled. I would be stained forever. I’m cursed to carry the weight of everything I’ve lost, and my curse sits clearly on my face.

“And when I was released from the hospital, the city officials wanted to put me in an orphanage. I guess, um, it makes sense. I had no home or family to go back to. They told me that I wouldn’t be stuck there for long. They said that kind families adopted kids all the time. At some point, I guess I just figured out that they weren’t actually giving me a choice. I wanted to argue, I wanted to sound strong, or somehow say I was better off. But I couldn’t say anything. I had already lost my voice. I lost the Vaida I used to be. So I guess I just went with them.

“They weren’t lying. All the other orphans didn’t seem to last long before they were adopted by a smiling couple. I was, well, I was still new to being scarred for the first couple years, so I just… I guess I blamed that for the reason no one wanted me. Not that I wanted a new family, but it would’ve meant a lot to have someone want me. I used to think that they avoided me because of my burns, but now I know it’s more than that. They could tell that I’m worthless. They knew it before I did, or at least when I was still figuring it out. And the other kids there didn’t make anything easier. I was, um, I was teased a lot. Bullied a lot. Children are merciless with their words, and adults are the same but with their stares. I think that might be when I became afraid of everyone. Every person I ever saw was just a dispenser of pain. A walking reminder of my own worthlessness. Whether they said anything or not. I had never felt so alone.”

            “Vaida, please stop calling yourself worthless. I know you’re down on yourself, but if you could just see yourself through my eyes, you wouldn’t ever doubt yourself again. If only you knew how much you mean to me,” Hatasuko said quietly.

With the scarred part of her face still pressed against his chest, Vaida looked up at him and smiled. Hatasuko could see that this was an authentic smile. She did not fake it, and she did not force it; this would be near-impossible with how much emotion she felt, anyway.

“In my years at the orphanage, Harvey still came to visit me all the time. I think those were the only times I actually felt happy. Even in my sorrow, I was still a scientist. I was still an engineer. I learned as much as I could with little experiments, and I used my knowledge to make some fun projects. I made a stick that comes back to you when you throw it! I really liked that invention. When I was studying these things, or working on building anything, I could kinda ignore everything that happened. I could ignore everything I had lost. It was almost like the science was happening through my brain and not my wounded heart. That made me happy.

            “But I was still too weak to accept the way things were. Every time I saw myself in the mirror, I was disgusted by my burns, and then reminded of the night… reminded of the Interfectus. It had so much power over me. Even years later, I was still so hurt and afraid. But I wanted revenge more than anything. I wanted to kill the Interfecti… and save anyone I possibly could along the way. I guess it’d probably seem silly to anyone but you. But I had to do it. I found it so hard to live with myself… because I just hated myself so much. I really felt like I had nothing to lose. Distance was the only thing stopping me.

“The idea of the sail-rana first came to me about four years ago. It all began when I saw a wagon shaking in the street! It was shaking because of the wind. I spent a long time scribbling designs and trying to make every little thing perfect. I knew this vehicle would be like a carriage that could take me anywhere in Agrideī. Now I had a way to find the Interfecti, but I still needed a way to fight them. So I started training! I exercised obsessively for almost a year. Every day was just school, exercise, construction. Again and again, until my sail-rana was ready. I was so busy in that time that my loneliness began to feel less crushing… either that, or I was just coming to accept that it would last forever. Or maybe, no, it’s no maybe, I know this for sure… um, I thought it wouldn’t matter. I, uh, I thought my sadness would die because, well, I thought I would die. I don’t know if I was hoping for it. But I remember thinking that the Interfectus was gonna finish what it started. Oh, I hate that I said that.”

Although Hatasuko hated the mere thought of Vaida willing to accept her own death, or that she had even looked forward to it, he suppressed his pang of sadness. Instead, he just continued to hold her close with his left hand raking through her dark hair. He tried to make himself expressionless, but his face fell into a frown when he saw the sad look in her eyes.

Vaida confessed, “I guess I really was just welcoming the end. I set off into the world looking for the Interfecti. Looking for the thing that would either free me from my pain or die at my hand. When I finally, well, when it attacked a city, and I was there, I tried to fight. I tried to help. I was useless! Lazaro found me and saved me from a fire blast, so I guess, well, I just followed him around after that. Like a stray. He made it very clear that he didn’t want me there, but he was so strong… um, I just wanted to learn. I just wanted to be that strong! I just wanted to save people, so, you know… so there wouldn’t be more, so that I wouldn’t, so that there would be no more Vaidas. So I could stop it from happening.

“It was fulfilling, but it was also very hard. Lazaro, well, he hated me. He made it his duty to remind me how worthless I am! He’d never let me forget how ugly I am. He beat me so much that I just came to expect it. I was fulfilled, but that was one of the most miserable times of my life.”

Hatasuko felt another cold tear soak through his shirt from her face. She began to tremble again for a moment, but then it passed as she opened her eyes. There was a warmth in her blue eye which defied her previous sadness.

“But everything changed when you came into my life! I know I’m shy and ugly and whiny and clumsy and sad, but you saw past all that. You became my friend, Hatasuko. My best friend! My only friend. And now you know everything about me… except how much you mean to me. Thank you… for everything,” she said.

Vaida pulled her face away from Hatasuko’s chest so that he could see it in its entirety. Both her scarred cheek and her unscarred cheek glistened from a new layer of tears, but Vaida smiled beneath these tears. It was a wide smile; it was a beautiful smile that seemed to span her whole face.

Hatasuko said, “Thank you for sharing that with me. You’re like the living version of my mother’s words. That the important part is standing back up… because you’ve gone through more than I can even imagine. And yet, you’re still so amazing. And smart. And wickedly beautiful.”

Vaida blushed as she stood before him with a smile. She shyly glanced down at the floor and tried to hide her red cheeks with her hands, but then she stopped herself. Instead, she walked back to him and placed her hands on his shoulders. She pushed down on him so that he lowered his head, and then she softly pressed her lips against his. The kiss was brief and gentle. But when they separated and gazed into the other’s eyes, a stronger shade of red appeared on her cheeks. She looked happy and anxious at the same time.

“I’m sorry, I, um, it’s been a long day…” she shyly said, staring at the ground with a little smile.

“Please don’t apologize,” Hatasuko answered with a warm smile.

“Well, okay. I was, I thought… okay. Yes, let’s get some sleep,” Vaida said with her quiet voice.

“Sounds good. And hey… thank you. For everything. For telling me all this, for trusting me with this, for protecting me from the tempest—for everything.”

As she pulled her hands up to cover her blushing face, Vaida said with a shy smile, “Good night, Hatasuko.”

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