Chapter Seventeen: At the Edge of the Oasis (I1B0C17)

             Chapter Seventeen: At the Edge of the Oasis

 

            “There’s always been a barrier between a man’s beliefs and his actions. I don’t think there’s ever been anyone without this dissonance. Some may say it’s one of our flaws, an intrapersonal hypocrisy, but I think it’s too natural to not be hereditary. It’s too common to not be human nature. This can only mean that we’re better off as a species because our hearts and our brains disagree with each other,” said a lost soul from the emptiness.

            Though the tempest was unusually quiet, countless yells echoed through its endless hollows. Hatasuko sensed a distress which pervaded the abyss of lost souls, especially with so many new victims, but the pressure was less powerful than before. As a result, he concluded that he was physically close to Vaida as he slept. Only one voice pressed enough to coherently speak from the tempest’s edge.

            “But Kurt, how can hypocrisy be a good thing? Everyone hates people who preach one code and live another. And rightfully so!” Hatasuko replied.

            “That’s different; you never pushed your moral code onto anyone else. That is the difference between dissonance and hypocrisy. If there’s a gap between our beliefs and our actions, then there’s a way we can reconcile ideals with reality. In a perfect life, you would build a world without misery, and you could do it without sacrificing anything. In a perfect world, you would achieve your dream without purging those who stand in the way. But that’s just not realistic,” Kurt explained.

            “Why? Why is it unrealistic? That’s not fair.”

            Kurt answered, “It’s unrealistic because we can only work without sacrifices in a perfect world, and your dream is to create a perfect world. So in order for us to live in a place with no need for sacrifice, it would already be your dream, and therefore you would have no dream.”

            “Yeah. I’ve heard this before. A couple times actually, but I forget where. The privilege of a dream is that it’s a fantasy, but if it happens, then it was never truly a dream to begin with. I think it was Lazaro who told me that… or someone else,” Hatasuko muttered.

            “Exactly. I think dissonance is crucial for that reason. If we couldn’t accept that actions have costs and consequences, then no one would ever make anything. No one would ever try anything. When the heart and the brain disagree, that’s a mediation between ideals and reality. Like a metaphorical handshake.”

            Hatasuko took a moment to process this. Though Vaida and the tempest had said nothing about his decision to kill Adishina’s father, he still felt a lingering sense of guilt. Due to his hatred for his victim, he did not feel apologetic. He simply felt guilty for going against his code to never take a human life.

            “I suppose that’s true. I never actually had a chance, did I? I was meant to break my code since the day I set foot on this path. I want to say that I wish reality wasn’t so restrictive. I want to say that I wish reality would let me keep both my dream and my morals. Maybe I’m just acting like a child who wants everything handed to him,” Hatasuko said to his ghostly friend.

            Kurt chuckled and said, “Perhaps, but you should at least consider the possibility that you didn’t do anything wrong. You seem to be working with the ideal that it’s always tragic when a human life ends. But in reality, I think there may be some exceptions. For example, your first ‘victim’ was definitely going to die either way. If anything, you put him out of his misery and used his energy to fight an Interfectus. That was justified. That saved hundreds! As for your second victim, he was a piece of shit. He left his daughter to die just to save himself. His wife, too. I am surrounded by the screams in the tempest at all moments; I can assure that they do not hold it against you.”

            “Maybe they don’t, but I haven’t heard from Adishina since the day I cut him down. I guess I thought it might remedy her sadness. I thought it might ease her pain if I killed the one who caused it. I mean, why wouldn’t it? All these forlorn souls are screaming for justice; they’re begging me to bring down the monster. I’m doing this both for them and for those who live in constant fear. I should kill all monsters, all architects of misery, and I shouldn’t ignore some just because they happen to be human. I truly believe this, but she isn’t making it easy on me. I just fear that Adishina won’t forgive me,” Hatasuko admitted.

            “Maybe you’re right, and maybe she won’t. Sometimes we upset the ones who mean the most to us, and sometimes we cannot win them back no matter what we do. It doesn’t mean we’re wrong, and it doesn’t mean we’re evil. It just means that we suffer,” Kurt spoke with a voice that did not hide his pain.

            “Are you ready to talk about what happened that day?” Hatasuko asked.

            “What’s there to talk about? When my wife spoke to you, she spoke to me. You tried to tell her it was all a misunderstanding, that my cohorts and I died before she even knew I left. It was physical circumstances that stopped her from finding out. But it didn’t matter. You remember what she said to us, don’t you?”

            Hatasuko answered, “Yeah. With a tear in her eyes, she said, ‘I’ve spent six years trying to make peace with this pain. For six years, I thought that he simply grew tired of us, so he packed up his business and left. He left our family to fend for ourselves. The only way I could get through it was by telling myself he’s a heartless bastard—that I’m better off without him. So I don’t care if that’s not true. I’ve cultivated this defense, and I’m keeping it.’”

            Kurt said from the edge of the tempest, “It’s just like we were talking about earlier. The heart and the brain are in constant battle. By paying the cost, you’ve chosen to accept reality as it is. But not everyone can be that strong. I think that, on some level, we all create illusions to defend against the real world. We’re all condemned to this reality, but we try our best to escape at the same time.”

            Hatasuko repeated these words several times in his head, but as he did, he felt his connection to the tempest fade. The voices were as loud as ever before, but his link with Kurt quickly dissolved.

            When Hatasuko felt the pulsing starlight on his eyelids, he groaned and squeezed his fingers through the sheets. After a brief sigh, he opened his eyes and saw that he was sprawled across a bed in an upstairs room at the inn. He faced the light that entered through the window, though candles also illuminated the room. He rolled onto his big feet, looked around the room, and realized that Vaida was not there. Their weapons leaned against the wall, even though they were typically left in the sail-rana downstairs. As he rubbed his tired eyes, Hatasuko realized that Vaida no longer felt safe unarmed in Bones City.

            Before leaving the room, Hatasuko grabbed his shield, his sack of rocks, his whip, and his sword. Due to his height, he had to duck as he stepped down the staircase, but he was quickly rewarded for his discomfort. When he reached the foot of the staircase, he found Vaida lying on her back with the sail-rana tilted over her body. The other end of the boat rested on the edge of a couch. She had disassembled the bottom of the vehicle and scattered its gears on the floor. She kept several tools nearby, but she primarily worked to equip the boat’s middle-front with a small waterwheel.

“Hatasuko, is that you I’m hearing? I hope it’s you I’m hearing,” said Vaida, though her good eye focused on the machinery above her.

“Yes, it is. Good morning, Vaida! You look like you’re having fun.”

Even before she had heard him, Vaida had an excited look of determination. After several seconds of moving her hands around the waterwheel, Hatasuko heard several clicks sound from inside. She then grabbed a few gears and assembled them within the boat’s interior.

“Can I get you anything? You’ve been playing with your gears all week! Sometimes you forget to eat when you’re excited,” Hatasuko suggested.

“Yeah, I know! I don’t mean to. I guess I just have a one-track mind! Would you mind finding an aterpomus?” asked Vaida.

“Maybe you do, but obviously it works! I’ve never met or even heard of someone as smart as you, so maybe there’s something to a one-track mind!”

Though the shadow of the sail-rana partially hid her face, Vaida’s cheeks flushed with a rosy hue. She smiled and pulled her hands out of the gears above her.

“You give me too much credit,” she said timidly.

“Not even a little.”

“Now get out of here before my one-track mind gets tracked on you,” Vaida teased.

Hatasuko laughed for a moment and accepted his mission. He walked toward the back of the lobby where the innkeeper would usually wash linens. When he opened the door and peered around the candlelit room, he was greeted by his smiling friend.

            “Welcome, Hatasuko! Come to find some fruit for your brilliant friend? She’s been hard at work for hours. I fell asleep by the tub and woke up when she started working!” said the innkeeper with a friendly grin.

Hatasuko asked, “Really? She woke you up? But she’s so quiet! Unless of course she’s talking about her project.”

“On the contrary, she was talking for at least an hour. She was talking about you! She said you were tossing and turning in your sleep, but she couldn’t wake you up. Then she just went on talking about how great you are! She mumbled the whole time she was fiddling with her gears. It was probably the most adorable thing I’ve ever seen! That girl’s crazy about you,” the innkeeper explained as he shut his journal.

The innkeeper stood up from his desk and stepped around the room with a glass of water in his hand. He stumbled over to the corner of the room where sacks of fruit surrounded a large icebox. He sifted around until he had an aterpomus in one hand and an albapomus in the other. After the innkeeper passed the fruit to Hatasuko, he glanced around and then devoured both fruit. The innkeeper sighed, then laughed, then reached for the same two fruit. Hatasuko chuckled as he accepted the fruit, though he kept the pulpy seeds from the first two in his hands.

“She’s the cutest girl in the world; it’s no stretch to say I don’t deserve her! But, um, before we step back out there, can I ask you something? That day when you got poisoned, what happened with Harvey? Did you end up going to the police?” Hatasuko asked.

“Yes, of course! I waited for Vaida to leave so she wouldn’t have to deal with the mess, but I never got the end I wanted. Several policemen went over to his home, but it was empty when they got there. He and his roommate were gone. One of the policemen said he would keep checking on the place, but he gave up after a couple weeks. He said that the place was abandoned, and Harvey hadn’t shown up for work in a long time. When I told the detective everything that happened, he said that Harvey probably went and killed himself. But it doesn’t explain why the roommate’s missing, too. That place is empty to this day; I’m not really sure what to think. If he is dead, I can’t say that the end is unbefitting,” the innkeeper confessed.

“Yeah. I just hope that we never come across him again. I’m saying that for his sake. I don’t think I’m as noble as I used to be,” Hatasuko admitted.

            Hatasuko walked back into the lobby with a different-colored fruit in each hand. Vaida still worked beneath the sail-rana on her back, but the look of determination had faded from her eyes. Instead, she stared with a gaze of prideful accomplishment as she reassembled the vehicle. After a few seconds, every component clicked together, and then she dragged herself out from underneath the sail-rana.

            Vaida sat beside her vehicle and took a deep breath as the blood rushed back into her arms. When she noticed Hatasuko standing there, she excitedly jumped to her feet. She ran across the room and wrapped her arms around his waist with a mighty squeeze.

            “Umm, Vaida, you’re a little too strong to squeeze that tightly,” Hatasuko said, though his voice was strained from the pressure.

Vaida giggled quietly and pulled her arms off him, but she only did this so that she could take both fruit. She held the albapomus in her left hand and the aterpomus in her scarred hand, but she seemed deeply conflicted as she glanced back and forth. Hatasuko laughed and playfully reached out to take the aterpomus, but Vaida acted fast; she jumped away and took a swift bite of the black fruit.

“Sorry! I’m hungry. Do you have anything we need to do here? Is there any sort of plan?” she asked.

“Not that I know of! I had to withdraw the rest of Lazaro’s money from a banker, but I’ve already taken care of that. We don’t have any business left in this city. The tempest is churning, but no one said anything about another Interfectus. Where do you want to go? Have anywhere in mind?” Hatasuko asked.

Though she finished her aterpomus, Vaida hid her face behind the plump albapomus in her left hand. Despite her efforts, Hatasuko saw a faint redness on her cheeks in between the white fruit and her dark hair. After taking a small bite of the delicious fruit, she said, “Do you maybe want to boat out to the volcanoes?”

The innkeeper stood in the doorway at the back corner of the lobby and shook his head, entertained by her willingness to run headlong into danger.

“I would love to,” Hatasuko answered.

Vaida hurriedly finished the rest of the albapomus. After she was done, she searched for a place to put the seed. Hatasuko scooped the cores out of her hands and placed them in the back of the sail-rana with his own seeds.

“Let’s plant all our seeds out there. I was serious when I said it, even if I didn’t realize it yet! When all this is over, when we’ve defeated the Interfecti and stricken misery from this world, we should retire and live in the little islands. And there will be forests! Forests full of your favorite fruits,” Hatasuko imagined aloud.

            Vaida mumbled, “I had a dream just like that when we were sailing out here. It was wonderful! It was the happiest dream I’ve ever had. I think it was the only happy dream I’ve ever had.”

Hatasuko scratched his head since this statement caught him off-guard, but he dismissed it so that they could start moving. He said, “Well then, let’s make it happen! Do you need to grab anything from upstairs? I just need to set my weapons down, and then I’m ready!”

With a smile, Vaida nodded quickly and ran upstairs with her tools. She returned without the tools in under a minute, but in that time, she had changed into sporty clothes. The innkeeper had overheard their plans, so he walked across the room and opened the door. They could barely fit the sail-rana through the door, but after tilting it and pushing for several seconds, Hatasuko rolled it into the dirt street. Only a couple pedestrians wandered the quiet road. After Vaida jumped over the edge and sat in the front seat, he set his hands on the side and prepared to jump in the back.

            “You don’t have to sit there! When the sails catch the wind, you have to sit in the back to stop it from tipping. But there’s not much wind in the city; we won’t use the sail!” Vaida said with heartwarming confidence.

            “We’re not sailing? Then how do we get to the water? We can’t really row on land.”

            “I’m glad you asked! I’ll show you. Just get in!” Vaida teased.

            Hatasuko nodded and stepped over to the front seat. After thanking the innkeeper, he jumped into the sail-rana and sat beside his friend. He noticed Vaida had installed a pair of pedals on each side of the sail-rana. The pedals in front of his feet were farther forward than hers; she had designed it this way to accommodate his height. This meant that he would always have to sit on her left side, and as a result, he could not easily see her scars.

Hatasuko pressed his feet against the pedals, slipped them beneath the straps, and pushed with one foot at a time. He had to push hard at first, but then the sail-rana started to move. When the wheels began turning, Vaida’s face lit up with joy. Though her pedals already spun without her feet on them, she set her feet in the straps so that she could help push. Once they were pushing together, the sail-rana quickly picked up speed.

When their vehicle reached a comfortable speed, nearly half of its usual sailing velocity, Hatasuko noticed that the process of pedaling grew much easier. As they quickly rolled through the streets of Bones City, he glanced over and saw a big smile on Vaida’s face. Her dark hair flew in the wind, and her blue eye was bright with joy.

            “Do you know why I love this so much?” Vaida asked.

            “Because you’re starting to see just how amazing you are?”

            “No, it’s not that! It’s just that people are staring, you know, like they always do, but it isn’t because of my scars! Or at least, um, for the first time, I feel like I don’t need to hide my burns. And maybe I do, but I’m not going to! I just want to feel proud; I’m so happy with my little sail-rana! I really think it’s getting better every day,” she explained with a big smile.

            She was right. The pedestrians and merchants watched them, but not with the curious stares of people inspecting her scars. Instead, the people in the street watched the sail-rana move at a steady speed without the use of wind or water. Everyone watched their vehicle with amazement; they didn’t care that one driver was a giant or that burn scars covered the other.

            “Something smells delicious up here. I think they’re smoking an agilus! Do you think we should get some meat for the ride?” Hatasuko asked.

            “No. I don’t really like eating agilus meat,” Vaida answered, though her smile had disappeared.

            “Really? Why not? I know you like meat! I’ve seen you devour a plate of piscileo in just a few minutes. Then again, you only eat it raw. I guess that is pretty strange.”

            “I don’t really like cooked meat. It’s not really a matter of taste or health,” she said with her quiet voice as they pedaled past the meat vendors.

            Since Vaida’s smile had disappeared and her voice had fallen silent, Hatasuko worried that he had inadvertently upset her. But when a smile returned to her face, his anxiety faded. It was a small smile, visible only at the corner of her lips. The smile began when her blue eyes fell upon the sparkling sea. The starlight illuminated a faint cloud of fog that lifted over the ocean; it decorated every small wave with the shimmer of cosmic lights. When the sail-rana crossed from the hard dirt road to the warm beach, its speed quickly disappeared. Despite their combined leg strength, they could not push hard enough to make the wheels dig through the sand, so Hatasuko jumped overboard.

            “I have to switch the steering over to the rudder. It shouldn’t take long,” Vaida said, and though her timid voice sounded happy.

            Vaida leaned down, opened the floor hatch, and started fiddling with the gear system. As she did this, Hatasuko pushed the sail-rana into the gentle ocean. The small waves shook the ship and coated it with a layer of steam, but the warmth was a refreshing break from the mainland. Once their boat drifted far enough that it did not scrape the ground, he waded back to his side of the ship. The warm water soothed his skin but soaked through his pants, so he pulled himself out of the water as soon as he could. The process of boarding the sail-rana caused it to shake back and forth for several seconds.

            “It’s too bad that the pedals only drive the wheels. My arms are still so sore. I hate rowing all the time,” Hatasuko groaned.

            A mischievous glint appeared in Vaida’s good eye as she set her feet on the pedals. She pedaled with her legs as hard as she could, and in a matter of seconds, the boat drifted forward. Hatasuko’s golden eyes widened as he realized what this meant. To test his theory, he slipped his feet into the spinning pedals and pushed. Though Vaida’s legs were strong from years of training and fighting, his legs supplied twice as much power. The sail-rana picked up speed as it floated through the steaming waves.

            “I used to just switch the steering gear when I opened the floorboard, but not anymore! Now if I switch the pedal gear as well, it turns the waterwheel instead! I wanted to somehow combine the two onto the same gear, but… I couldn’t quite figure it out. Gears are hard,” Vaida said sheepishly.

            “You’re so cute when you’re all modest about being the world’s best inventor,” Hatasuko teased, nudging her shoulder with his hand.

            “You think too much of me!” Vaida said, nudging back.

            As Vaida tried to push him with her scarred hand, Hatasuko saw that her cheeks were flushed. Though they had not pedaled for long, they quickly became wet from sweat and steam. The humidity caused her dark hair to cling onto her face and her clothes, though it was not long before she felt overheated. After they boated past a rock island cluster, she unzipped her jacket and tossed it in the backseat. Though he wanted to be a gentleman, he could not refrain from glancing briefly at her body. She wore a sleeveless shirt, and her arms were exposed to the starlit air. Her muscles were toned and defined; this became clear when she reached down and rolled her pants up to her knees. Scars covered her right arm and the exposed part of her right leg, but strong muscles flexed beneath the burns.

            “Wow, you’re really checking me out,” Vaida said with a playfully accusative tone.

            As she spoke, Vaida perked out her chest and giggled. Hatasuko nervously turned his gaze back to the ocean and pedaled harder than before.

            “You make it pretty easy,” Hatasuko teased back.

            Vaida giggled quietly and continued pedaling while looking around at the swirling steam. Occasionally, a burst of steam rose like a bubble and emerged from the ocean. Hatasuko wondered if this had something to do with the underwater volcanoes. After all, he saw the first isle of Aether on the northern horizon, and this was said to be a volcanic island.

            “Vaida, I’ve been… meaning to ask you about my recent decision,” said Hatasuko, taking a solemn tone.

            “Are you talking about the man you killed on the mountain? You didn’t tell me much. Just that he left his family to die.”

            Hatasuko could not stop himself from comparing Vaida’s parents with Adishina’s. Though both of their fathers felt compelled to make sacrifices, one had sacrificed himself to save his daughter, and the other sacrificed his family to save himself.

Hatasuko answered, “Yeah, and honestly, I was out of quintessence when I killed him. But that isn’t why I killed him. It was more like a consequence of his actions. As an architect of misery, he had no place in the world I want to create. Maybe I don’t have the license to make that kind of decision, but I didn’t see any other way. How else am I supposed to achieve my destiny? I need to purge everything that inflicts pain.”

“You’re saying it like you don’t believe your own words! But I believe you. If it were someone else, if it were anyone else, I wouldn’t think they should decide something like that. But there is no one else like you! I know you made the right decision. I know you have the best intentions! I know you just want to help everyone. I love that about you,” she said, setting her hand upon him.

Hatasuko glanced at her hand and smiled. Though they boated through the shimmering sea with starlit steam swirling around them, he kept his golden eyes upon her. Nothing else in the world mattered. She glanced over to meet his gaze, but then she timidly looked away and smiled. He felt her heart beating quickly in the place where her hand pressed on his shoulder, though he suspected it was a consequence of exercise rather than emotion. Despite her efforts, she wore a shy smile on her blushing face.

“Maybe. It took me a long time to figure this out, but now I’m certain that my curse and destiny are intertwined. Just as the writhing souls are my curse and my fuel, I think they’re also the catalyst for my destiny. They may be the reason for my destiny to begin with. I like to think that I was a good person before my tragedy, or at least a neutral person, but the disaster turned me into someone obsessed with ending pain. I still am! The problem is that so far, I don't seem to be very good at it,” Hatasuko muttered as he pedaled on.

Vaida grabbed the steering wheel and tilted it, allowing the sail-rana to veer around the rocky peak of an underwater volcano. After they were back on track, Vaida glanced at him and asked, “Why would you even think that? You’ve saved the people of three cities from three different Interfecti.”

“Maybe I can prevent pain, but I can’t erase the misery that’s already there. Even with all the time we’ve spent together, I still can’t seem to repair your heart,” said Hatasuko.

“What do you mean?” asked Vaida with an innocuous voice. Hatasuko saw a nervous look in her dark blue eye.

“Well just last night, you were crying in your sleep. I’ve noticed this a lot, actually. I thought that maybe after I confessed to you that I’ve fallen for you, it might change something. But it hasn’t. You’re still in pain, and I—”

“Please don’t blame yourself for that. Don’t blame yourself at all! When the Interfectus destroyed my city and, um, and burned the memories of everything I lost into my flesh… that had nothing to do with you. Every time I see my scars, and every time I see someone else notice them, it just reminds me. It reminds me of my misery. And I can’t escape it. These scars will be with me for as long as I live. That means I can’t escape my pain. Can’t conquer it either. My misery will never end. But this… has nothing to do with you. This means that it’s not your fault, but it also means you cannot fix it. I’m sorry I’m rambling, um, I do this a lot, when, well you know, when I get nervous, and—”

Hatasuko interrupted Vaida by wrapping his arms around her. They both stopped pedaling during this embrace. At first, Vaida trembled from anxiety as her heartbeat raced; her body was a tapestry of apprehension. Her mouth was open, her front teeth pressed together, and her eyes were wide. She remained in this uneasy state for many seconds, but then her panic came to an end. Vaida closed her eyes and wrapped her arms around him to complete the embrace. They stayed silently like this, floating motionlessly except for the weak waves on the ocean, until eventually her shaking finally stopped. Her heart rate began to settle. Once her breathing stabilized, she pulled her arms off his body, moved onto her knees, and softly pressed her lips on his.

“Thank you for understanding. I’m sorry I’m such a mess,” Vaida said, shyly looking away from him.

“Vaida, you’re strong as hell! You hunt and fight your greatest fear, and you’re the smartest person in Agrideī! You are not a mess. You don't need to be so hard on yourself, and you don’t need to hide your eyes.”

“I’m not hiding my eyes. I’m just hungry. I found a viridipomus! It just seemed like an inappropriate time to want food,” she said, suppressing the excitement in her voice.

            Hatasuko smiled at her and gently grabbed the steering wheel. They approached a long rock island on the left side of the boat, so he pedaled faster and steered toward it. The rocky surface glistened from the touch of starlight. Steam lifted off the ocean in every place except on this small island, and therefore it was like an oasis in the desert. When they approached the rocky shore, he stopped pedaling. Vaida threw the core of her fruit onto the island, jumped overboard, and then dragged the sail-rana toward the rock. The underwater part of the shoreline was made of rock, but it felt smooth against the bottom of her feet. The warm water washed across her legs as she waded toward shore. When she finally arrived, Hatasuko jumped onto solid ground, and then they pulled the boat together.

Before anything else, Hatasuko picked up several fruit seeds from the back of the sail-rana and tossed them onto the shimmering island. Vaida watched with a wide smile as she walked toward a smoother surface.

            “Hatasuko, I know this sounds silly, but, um, can you lie down here?” she asked.

“Well, yeah, sure. Is there any particular reason?” Hatasuko asked as he walked over.

“Yeah. Um, I haven’t, I mean, I didn’t really sleep very long last night,” she admitted.

Without a word, Hatasuko smiled and lowered himself onto his back. Though the rocky surface was hard, it felt so smooth that it did not hurt. Vaida lowered her knees onto the rocks, pulled her arms forward, and then lay on his huge body. Her feet rested lightly on his knees; her wet hair pressed upon his chest. She moved her neck to gaze at his face, and he looked back at her. Both her dead eye and her good eye looked genuinely happy. He lifted his hand and combed his big fingers through her hair.

“I think I can hear your heartbeat,” she whispered.

“Astrodei don’t have hearts, remember? We saw that when the Interfectus tore through my chest,” Hatasuko said with a dry chuckle.

“No, not that. Not a regular heartbeat. Not a thump-thump heartbeat. But it’s there. I know it is! It’s like a spiritual heartbeat. It’s beautiful,” she whispered sleepily.

Right before she finally fell asleep, she said with a small smile, “I think I was wrong, Hatasuko. You really are saving me from my misery.”